that day

i never would have imagined our morning so perfectly planned and placed. though i know He perfectly plans and places all things, i am always not so keenly aware in the moments.

we ordered coffee and hot chocolate. and he picked the table, of course. it had to have an umbrella. and i sat where he asked me to. we talked. it's his favorite thing to do. i listened to him come up with stories about the hot chocolate. and debate whether it actually had coffee in it. as he sipped and his chocolate mustache and beard grew, we talked and i listened. he asked me of my favorite thing of the day and i told him this moment was just right.

he grabbed my hand and we walked to the library. he doesn't like letting go still. and i will hold in my heart exactly what it feels like when he slips that little hand in mine. we don't get too many moments just the two of us. today is different.

he skips and wants to take the long way. he says he just wants more time with me. oh, and how i want more time with him. lots more.

we drive to the grocery store to buy some cheese and talk about spending money. every moment is teachable. he wants to spend 50 cents to ride harry the dinosaur. i try to help him understand being wise with our money, even 50 cents. he learns and asks what could he do with 50 cents and i tell him to save it. it will grow and God will use it.

he carries his new books upstairs and collects his school things. he waits for me at the school table. he sits legs curled in front of him, waiting for instruction. he writes numbers and reads words. we review, "God takes good care of me." and from there the Lord speaks louder and stronger than i ever could. i tell him of king ahab and elijah. we talk about trusting the Lord and His perfect provision. he listens with little ears but with a big heart.

from there i continue sharing as He speaks to grey's tender heart. i tell him of the amazing grace. i tell him of sin and separation. i tell him of our need for redemption. i tell him of the saving grace of Jesus Christ. i tell him of hell and how that's what we deserve. and that good people don't always go to heaven. i tell him of the day that God rescued me from death and brought me into life and made me new. the joy and the freedom and the hope! i tell him of the God that loves him way more than i ever could.

"mommy, i think i'm going to cry."

and i saw his heart in his response to the gospel clear as day. he was broken. he couldn't find words so i held him and let him cry. as i felt drops of wet grace fall on my neck, i asked the One who knows exactly what is in that heart to redeem him. to make it clear. to allow his mind and his heart to collide and make grey new. only He knows what He is doing. but i know it's for His glory.

as i looked into his blue eyes and encouraged him to talk, he had no words. a very rare thing indeed. he always has words. he always has the right answer. and i was so glad there was no answer from his mouth. for i saw it all over his body. there were tears and smiles and brokenness and joy.

and in that moment i knew, if only for that one moment, why he called me to be home with him now. it is all so worth it.