heart matters

God is tilling up my heart from depths that i didn't have any idea even existed. i have been overwhelmed with His strength. with clarity of mind and heart. with the peace that passes all understanding. with that unspeakable joy.

He is allowing me to see more clearly and in turn, i give up more easily. giving up is a good thing. because it's true, in my weakness He is made strong. in my humility, His glory shines. and isn't that what following Christ is about? i would have said yes with my mouth a million times over but now my heart is starting to get it. only as he peels back layer after layer of pride.

His call to live for eternity is so heavily impressed on my heart. to live for tomorrow in today. that this whole life thing is for something greater. to have that mindset. to know that He is in all things, through all things, and all things exist because of Him. to understand that in each and every moment He is still God. 

 that when i don't think i have the strength to break up one more fight between the boys, He whispers stillness into my heart that He is there. even then, He deserves glory. He requires that I lay my selfishness at His feet and choose to gently tend to their hearts and not ignore it. when i think i have no more patience to listen to the whining, there is rest because He is there. He prompts me to lay aside my frustration and to stoop down, cup little tuck's face in my hands, and listen to his heart.  

when i want to stick up for myself or make excuses, He whispers softly to "go low. remember how I came to die for you, meghan marie? remember when i gave my life for you?" when i don't feel like listening, He reminds me so clearly of the gifts He has given me and that they are for Him, for the Church. when i just want to sit and not engage, He nudges my mind in awareness of who He is and who He has called me to be in that moment. 

when i am overwhelmed in our finances, He reminds me that we have never been without. that He has always been faithful. when i am annoyed at a door to door salesman, He speaks so clearly, "in this moment I want you to look to eternity. I have put him (sometimes her) here on your doorstep. live for Me, not for you." 

that when i am running, or sweeping, or cleaning the toilet, YES EVEN THEN.  He is sovereign over that moment too. He requires glory. and what brings the peace and joy is trusting in who He is.  moment by moment surrendering them to Him. He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. and in that my soul rests. not that my circumstances change, but the way i go about them does. 

i sell myself short when i live for myself. the glory and riches and the joy that come as i begin to count the things in my life as loss. when i lay myself aside and have a momentary glimpse into forever, i never want to leave that moment.

and when i realize that i am nothing and He is everything, only then will He use me and fill me with unspeakable joy. 

His yoke is easy and His burden is light. because He is humble in heart. because He sees eternity. and He knows He's overcome all those battles i fight in my flesh. all that pride. all that ugly. i am free from that IN JESUS. because He gave me the faith to believe.

and when i see the good, I know it's Him. it could only be Him. it's the outflowing of a heart that He's refining. 

the glory, oh His glory is all around.

photojournal: strawberry pickin'

 we picked and ate and picked and ate. 

mmm. mmm.

 

 

 

 

weekend refresh

we spent the weekend in the mountains with a group of our high school students. two lucky little boys got to join us for the trip.

{the boys and i were on a nature walk and they were mesmerized by all sorts of things. not quite sure what had their attention here}

they were in heaven. my favorite part of the entire trip was just sitting back and watching them be them.  

grey was in his prime. he had his fair share of socializing. he was hanging out with "the students" (just as he calls them) like he was going on 15 and was right smack dab in the middle of everything.

i loved watching grey with people. with new and different people, totally out of his everyday life. watching him have conversation and relate to others that are in a far different place than he is. he joined in one of the small groups at one point and made his own little contribution to the conversation. he wrote it down in his journal and came to show me. he was so confident and beaming with joy to spend time with "the students."

tuck man was totally and completely in his element. he spent most of his time exploring. and catching bugs, worms, and water creatures. i took the boys on a long "hike" saturday morning during the session. we explored and explored and explored. i watched tucker come alive as we talked about the wind, the mountains, the trees, the moss, the branches, the salamanders, the tadpoles, the dirt, the mud and anything else we passed by. he touched everything. and i let him do whatever he wanted. (within reason)  i would have to say it's some of the best time we've spent together to date.

i couldn't resist going down the humongous slide into the freezing lake water. i'm still not quite sure if it was worth it but it was fun nonetheless. 

and matthew and i even got to slip away for a short morning walk together this morning. 

  will and i spent our first few days apart in 13 months. he spent the weekend with papa and gigi and apparently was a little angel.

these three were reunited tonight and they were in heaven.

 a retreat this time of year is much needed for the students as they are in high stress mode. this weekend is perfectly placed and planned for rest for their souls. and i'm so glad we got to join in! it was rest for my soul on a completely different level and i think our boys even came away relaxed and renewed. what a great weekend.

catching up

march came and went and it's now april 10th. wowzies. 

i realize lots of little things that make up our days have been captured in an instant image. but those small images are writing a bigger story.

 william is still keen to the crawl. no real walking yet though he will take 2-3 steps in a row. while he's not working on that particular gross motor skill, he is however developing his fine motor and verbal skills at a fast pace. he totally holds a crayon to color with the perfect grasp. on his own. he's using a fork and spoon somewhat like a pro. he's talking and emulating us constantly. he loves to sing and dance. and explore the yard.

 poor little tuck man has come down with pneumonia. he's been sick as a dog. poor buddy. thankfully we got a strong antibiotic and he's moving towards a full recovery. as long as i can keep him hydrated we'll be in good shape. unfortunately he got sick while at my parents last week and now my mom is sick in bed! they took wonderful care of both the boys but are now suffering themselves. 

since spring sprung like 2 months ago, tuck has only had eyes for inchworms, earthworms, ladybugs, frogs, snakes, or most other creatures that hide in the ground. we've read books about bugs, we've collected caterpillars galore, we've researched all the different types of worms, and are now awaiting the transformation of a caterpillar into a moth as one in our jar is in a cocoon! tuck even checks on his bug collections as early as 6:30 a.m.! i wouldn't say he takes good care of the bugs but he sure thinks he does.

{he also loves these little farm animals!}

{being big brother.}

{6:30 am wake up call for the inchworms!}

oh the ol' grey bear. i'm astonished at how quickly this one is growing and changing. he's counting down the weeks until he's 5. pretty soon it will be days. sigh. 

he had his very first t-ball practice last night. he had a blast. he and annabelle are on the same team again. and they sure do love each other.

he picked flowers for me today and was so proud of himself. what a precious thing.

i also am constantly astonished at his heart for his brothers. he really cares for them in ways that bring me to tears at times. he is almost always eager to help in any way he can. he tenderly loves them which is such an example to me. 

his reading and writing is developing at a pace i can't seen to keep up with and it's so exciting to watch! i am watching his reading skills click left and right and then his spelling on his own is flowing from that. he made his birthday list this morning. he sounded almost every word out on his own. we are so proud of him!

though i only captured this image with my phone, i wanted to remember this breakfast with the boys. it was a sunday morning and the sun was shining on them just right. the conversation was rich and their little souls were joyful.

{this one's for you steph!}

a calendar, a sharpened pencil with eraser (thanks jennifer!), a cup of coffee, and two special friends on a monday night. we are gearing up for a year of homeschooling!

got a couple of hot dates in with this guy last week. it was awesome.

i have much on my heart to share. much much. not sure how that's all going to play out in words but hopefully soon i will record the abundance of joy that is only from the Lord.