it's almost time

It's almost time.

I am astonished that 9 months has passed so quickly. Here we are waiting in anticipation for our third little boy to enter the world.

It's almost time.

Unfortunately, this is the ONLY purposeful picture I have of this sweet baby in the womb. 37 weeks today, or was it yesterday?! I really don't know for sure. I do know that little Grey Bear is ready to meet his littlest brother and kisses my belly so often, I sometimes think he's attached. Then there's the Tuck Monster who is exactly that, monster-like and a mommy's boy. He's typically on my hip. Again, sometimes I think he's attached. He knows where the baby is and calls him by name which melts my heart.

It's almost time. 

I am more than ready physically speaking. My body aches at the end of the day and my feet are swelling just a tad by about 6 pm every day. It's getting hard to keep up with the little ones so I'm ready to have a little of my energy and ability to cut my toenails back. I am having Braxton Hicks frequently and this baby is dropping a little lower each day.

It's almost time.

We have been working on a special room for our third baby boy. It's not complete and there is stuff laying everywhere.If I were to take more than "glimpse" pictures, I may think it was a room for collecting yard sale items. The more I get moved around and hung up, the more excited I get to see my baby boy sleeping in his sweet little crib that I slept in as a baby, along with my brothers. I plan on hopefully completing the nursery this week in anticipation that he will not arrive much before his scheduled due date. Here are just a few glimpses that I'm not promising will even remain by the time I take pictures later this week. 

It's almost time.

I have been waking up in the wee hours of the morning not able to get back to sleep. This has never, ever happened to me in my entire life and I don't know what to do with myself. I have been putting on a pot of coffee at 3:30 or 4 a.m. and embracing the early morning hours alone. My time with the Lord has been excellent, this is my best time for sure. But as soon as about 10:00 hits, I'm done. I can't imagine this will be a normal occurance in about 3 weeks as my body will most likely be begging for sleep. Apparently now it thinks that 5 hours is enough for my big ol' self. I have other news for it. But I'm confident the Lord will sustain me. 

It's almost time.

Littlest man is positioned and ready to go. He gets the hiccups all.the.time. I can pretty much articulate his every move. I am trying to cherish this as much as I can when there isn't a little foot jabbing my internal organs. I will miss it when he's out in my arms. I seriously cannot wait to inspect every precious inch of his body. I will miss the coffee table that is conveniently located just below my mouth that holds bowls and cups so perfectly. 

It's almost time.

Our eyes are ready to meet his. Our arms are ready to hold him. Our hearts are ready to embrace his. Grey Bear is ready to bring him some cupcakes, green ones at that, for his actual birthday at the hospital. Thank goodness IT'S ALMOST TIME. 

thanks mom

Matthew left Monday and flew to California and won't be home until late tonight. Mom showed up and saved my sanity and physical ability to take care of my children. This baby boy currently residing in my belly sure isn't getting any smaller or taking any less energy from my body, Neither are the other two who are not residing in my belly...I needed help :)

Thanks to mom we had a very successful week of playing, sprucing up, cleaning out, cooking, and keeping everyone alive and happy. In her nature is quite the willingness to help with anything and everything. 36-37 weeks pregnant is no joke on these feet so I was more than delighted to have her to help out in every area.

She worked her buns off making the details of the nursery come together. She had already made the crib skirt and bumper and while she was here she made some roman shades for the windows. I will post pictures soon when I can get things in their places. 

She and Grey Bear attempted to fly a kite as we had quite a few windy days around here. They were unsuccessful. I guess that's what you get when you spend 50 cents on a kite.

She played her heart out with two very busy boys. I witnessed lots of piggy back rides, stories in their tent, playground time, and she ventured out this morning and took them to the 3 story playground.  I'm certain she'll sleep well this upcoming week. 

She also cooked for us including two meals to freeze for when baby boy arrives. Some of the only pictures I got this week included she and the boys cooking together. We had pizza night Wednesday night and Grey and Tuck got their hands in on the action. 

and it was delicious as evidenced here...

We had the opportunity to shop together on Tuesday sans kiddos. I have the fondest memories of shopping with my mom while growing up. It's how we spent good time together. It hasn't really changed and I was thankful to have that this week. I did go to bed at 9:30 that night if that tells you anything about the way we shop. It's hardcore.

She bathed the boys every night for me, encouraged Grey to actually sit in his chair while he eats, did the dishes, laughed at Tucker being Tucker, and helped me clean out some of my kitchen cabinets. THAT was a blessing. She took the boys two different times and allowed me to clean the entire house. Though she offered to do this for me, I actually really enjoy cleaning when I have some uninterrupted time. Uninterrupted time is the key. That sure doesn't happen very often. Usually I end up with a half vacuumed room and one clean sink in the entire house. It feels good to complete something even when my very pregnant body pays for it later. 

She and the boys made blueberry muffins tonight for dinner. It always makes me laugh to see the boys' different personalities show up in pictures. 

{notice Tucker found the junk drawer immediately and completely lost interest in the muffins}

jackpot!

I could squeeze and kiss those cheeks all day...even with the enormous amount of chapstick he likes to apply to his entire face.

{notice Grey Bear listening and eagerly performing every instruction Marmie gives him}

 also with an enormous amount of pink chapstick on his "lips"

Meanwhile, Tucker very adamantly tells me something that I cannot understand and proceeds to push his chair to a different counter in the kitchen to open and explore all the other drawers. 

as Grey perfectly fills the muffin cups

It sure is fun to have Marmie around to witness and enjoy their differences. Though it's extremely frustrating at times, I just have to laugh when I can reflect on it. It's eye opening when you realize that someone is actually listening to you 24 hours a day say, "Grey, you have got to share." "Tucker, get off of the counter. We do not stand in the middle of the counter." "Grey, please change your attitude or you're going to bed." "Tucker, please don't rub your food in your hair." "Could you please just hold on a second. Let me completely at least ONE thing today." "Tucker, do not tackle Grey right now...or hit him...or scream in his face." "Please oh please quit making that awful noise. I have asked you everyday for the past 27 days not to do that. Please stop." 

Wow, from an outsider's point of view I might just crack up all day long. 

I loved more than anything watching my mother play with her grandsons and love them in only a way that she can. She sings, dances, reads to, cuddles, and nurtures them in her Marmie ways and I am so thankful for that. She also has loved me this week in all her efforts and successes in taking care of all of us. Thank you thank you thank you Mom! We are glad your car finally started but were secretly hoping it wouldn't :) 

they bring me joy

these boys

brothers 

friends

and sometimes foes

the all boy, all the time

the tender heart, lover of people

lover of sticks

dirt

and more dirt

...

care free

sometimes pouty

confident

these boys

wide eyed

joyful

adventurous

boys to look up to

ready to bring another brother into their world

into their happiness

into their wonderment

into their adventure

my question is, will he be ready?

i can't wait to find out!

belly up

i had high hopes for our morning. nothing too special, but just a little this and that out of the ordinary to show some love. 

what a bust.

exhibit a.

while both boys were excited to have balloons for valentines day, grey stared at an empty fish bowl. apparently my attempt to follow the instructions explicitly last night in giving our new goldfish a new home failed somewhere between 10:30 pm and 5:30 am. i had gone to bed so excited because i just knew the boys would be thrilled with their new little friend.

i came downstairs to a sad faced husband. our fish was belly up. so we scooped him out, sent him on a trip down a water slide, and left the empty bowl. the boys never knew that we already had purchased a fish that bit the dust. 

grey's reaction to the fish...bowl.

"oh a fish!!!!!! wait, where's the fish?"

we promptly informed him that he was going to get to pick the fish out himself. i'm pretty sure he was still devastated there was no fish in the bowl. 

exhibit b.

the heart shaped chocolate chip pancakes turned out great and were delicious. unfortunately, we were serenaded by tucker screaming for 20 solid minutes for who knows what. it was a fit of maximum proportions. and i could not figure out for the life of me what the problem was. we tried hard to carry on conversation as usual between the three of us but failed miserably. oh the screaming child just wouldn't stop. and to top it off, matthew felt horrible and couldn't even eat the delicious pancakes. oh dear.

exhibit c.

this is exactly how i felt all morning.

 pouty because it seemed as though everything was belly up. the boys fought all morning, we couldn't even color a picture without devastation, and grey bear got his feelings hurt and cried every time someone looked at him the wrong way. 

thank goodness i had already planned a day at the park with a picnic and a pond adventure. i knew that would be the ticket and thank goodness it was just that! smiling faces abounded and lots of energy was burned. we laughed together, the boys had a blast together, and i even caught them holding hands and running  around the pond together. then we went to pick out our new fish, sam. 

the turn around.

{a man walking by captured this stunning image for us. at least among my whale of self, there are super smiles on everyone's faces}

 thank you God for warm sunshine to induce a good nap and to turn our day back around :) things are really looking up.

p.s. i get to go on a date with my husband tonight. woop woop!

i loved {february weekend edition}

this man.

this little boy.

and this littler boy.

a fondue date. with sparkling red grape juice.

playing games with friends.

that first moment of crawling into bed at night.

a good embrace.

feeling baby boy's specific body parts tumble around in my tummy.

watching the boys dance.

a trip to the thrift store. alone.

planting seeds to watch grow. with a really handsome assistant. 

receiving tulips accompanied with, "i love you mommy. will you be my valentine?"

sunday morning time with the Lord.

sunshine.

silence.

listening to grey and tucker hysterically laugh at each other.

organizing our upcoming week.

getting the nursery ready and thinking about the baby boy i will soon snuggle.

cleaning our room.

organizing pictures and finding this.

{chunk master plus grey bear at 6 months}

fresh homemade salsa.

reminiscing with my husband about our dating days. we sure did have fun and still do!

and having the following conversation with grey at dinner tonight...

"mommy, i had fun up in Heaven wif God."

"really buddy? when were you in Heaven with God?"

"before i was here."

"huh. what did you do in Heaven with God?"

"we talked. God said, 'what am I going to do with all this junk?'"

"God doesn't make any junk, buddy. what was this junk?"

"we were the junk mommy. oh, and we played Mario Kart on His big couch and I beated God."

happy end of the weekend!

the third letter

Was I ready? Ready for the vulnerability of it all? The exposure of myself? Could I even have guessed at the nakedness I would feel before another human being? 

How beautiful all those things have become in time. In time. In marriage. It has taken time for those things to truly become beautiful to me and are still slowly becoming just that each and every day. 

{...}

It was the third letter of the day. I sat in a still room clothed in a long white dress, a veil, and tears streaming down my cheeks. Upon reading a letter from the man I was about to call my husband, I began to understand in a seemingly small way that God had given me such a gift in him, a man created just for me.  An understanding that was about to get a whole lot clearer starting with a walk down the aisle to the biggest smile I’ve ever witnessed.

His handwritten words were such an encouragement to my soul. They spoke of our past, present, and future spiritual relationship with Christ, separately and together. The very thing that drew me to him in the beginning. The source of our relationship. The thing I most looked forward to for our future.

Little did I know that his words were simply a peek into our upcoming life together. That we would indeed strengthen the most crucial strand that ties us together in marriage. Not just the emotional strand. Not just the physical strand. The eternal strand. The reason God made us for one another.

To grow together. To fail together. To pray together. To struggle together. To learn together. To do ministry together. For Him. To push each other only into Christ for the rest of our lives.

For the rest of our lives.

There is no one else that could satisfy this longing in my heart but him. He would push, pull, prode, challenge, and encourage JUST THE WAY the Lord had intended.

{Five and half years later}

It’s my favorite time of day. I crawl out of bed at 5:55 am to meet my husband on the couch. We do this each morning. Together. Sit silently, with only the soft flipping of the pages of our Bibles in each of our laps. And this morning I remembered the third letter he wrote me on our wedding day and the tears came again. Tears of joy in realizing the grace of God in our marriage. This is exactly where I wanted to be.

It’s only been five and a half years. I have felt every ounce of vulnerability. Every ounce of exposure. Every ounce of failure. Every ounce of growth. Every ounce of struggle. Together we have experienced all of these things in light of what the Lord has presented us with in our few short years together.

My heart was overcome with an elation so unexplainable to realize the man I was sitting beside was every bit of man God wanted for me. Then, on our wedding day and now, surrounded by legos and tractors. To lead me, to be a father to our children, to fail with, to grow with, to live life fully with.

I look at this man every morning when I wake up and every night before I close my eyes. I see someone who is constantly being broken just to be put back together again a little more wholly next time. A little more like Christ next time. And next time. And I cannot wait to walk through the rest of the days of our lives being pruned and stretched and challenged together each time again and again and again. What a privilege it is, this thing called marriage. 

whew

i'm pretty sure since Christmas we have only had ONE "normal week" to date. i'm hoping this week makes TWO. 

last week was another doozy. this little man couldn't shake the stomach virus. like 5 days couldn't shake it. 

i've been thrown up on more times than i would choose to count. 

now that i am showered and a little more rested, i will go back to thinking clearly and keeping up with regular daily tasks in my life. this will include taking pictures which i have so desperately missed and neglected. 

while i was thankful to have been well through all the sickness and available to care for and practice much compassion (and not so much at times), i have been fairly worn out. i'm feeling every week of being 34 weeks pregnant. all in my back. it's almost time and i'm ready for a little normalcy before we add baby boy number 3 and things are a little not so normal again. though i'm much more excited about that "not so normal!" 

throwing rocks

We spent almost every waking moment outside in the "not so usual January spring-like" weather this weekend. The near 70 temps encouraged us to pull on our boots and head out for a good walk down at the Riverwalk. Let's just say both boys were in heaven and could have stayed for the rest of their lives throwing rocks in the river. Matthew had to carry Tuck out literally kicking and screaming. Sure didn't help my already spring fever I've had for about a month now!