the third letter

Was I ready? Ready for the vulnerability of it all? The exposure of myself? Could I even have guessed at the nakedness I would feel before another human being? 

How beautiful all those things have become in time. In time. In marriage. It has taken time for those things to truly become beautiful to me and are still slowly becoming just that each and every day. 

{...}

It was the third letter of the day. I sat in a still room clothed in a long white dress, a veil, and tears streaming down my cheeks. Upon reading a letter from the man I was about to call my husband, I began to understand in a seemingly small way that God had given me such a gift in him, a man created just for me.  An understanding that was about to get a whole lot clearer starting with a walk down the aisle to the biggest smile I’ve ever witnessed.

His handwritten words were such an encouragement to my soul. They spoke of our past, present, and future spiritual relationship with Christ, separately and together. The very thing that drew me to him in the beginning. The source of our relationship. The thing I most looked forward to for our future.

Little did I know that his words were simply a peek into our upcoming life together. That we would indeed strengthen the most crucial strand that ties us together in marriage. Not just the emotional strand. Not just the physical strand. The eternal strand. The reason God made us for one another.

To grow together. To fail together. To pray together. To struggle together. To learn together. To do ministry together. For Him. To push each other only into Christ for the rest of our lives.

For the rest of our lives.

There is no one else that could satisfy this longing in my heart but him. He would push, pull, prode, challenge, and encourage JUST THE WAY the Lord had intended.

{Five and half years later}

It’s my favorite time of day. I crawl out of bed at 5:55 am to meet my husband on the couch. We do this each morning. Together. Sit silently, with only the soft flipping of the pages of our Bibles in each of our laps. And this morning I remembered the third letter he wrote me on our wedding day and the tears came again. Tears of joy in realizing the grace of God in our marriage. This is exactly where I wanted to be.

It’s only been five and a half years. I have felt every ounce of vulnerability. Every ounce of exposure. Every ounce of failure. Every ounce of growth. Every ounce of struggle. Together we have experienced all of these things in light of what the Lord has presented us with in our few short years together.

My heart was overcome with an elation so unexplainable to realize the man I was sitting beside was every bit of man God wanted for me. Then, on our wedding day and now, surrounded by legos and tractors. To lead me, to be a father to our children, to fail with, to grow with, to live life fully with.

I look at this man every morning when I wake up and every night before I close my eyes. I see someone who is constantly being broken just to be put back together again a little more wholly next time. A little more like Christ next time. And next time. And I cannot wait to walk through the rest of the days of our lives being pruned and stretched and challenged together each time again and again and again. What a privilege it is, this thing called marriage.