bittersweet

i am all by myself for a day! this is seriously the weirdest thing on planet earth. i cannot remember the last time i actually had time ALL BY MYSELF. it hasn't been for the past 15 months i know that! i am currently at our house with no Grey, no Oscar, and no Matthew for a whole day! It's bittersweet really. We leave for the beach tomorrow and Matthew comes in tonight at 10:3o and I will pick him up from the airport. I met Stephanie and Cheryl yesterday between here and Columbia and handed off Grey and Oscar. Oscar is staying in Cola with Marie...one of his favorite people on earth. Grey is at the beach already with the rest of the Cavin family and I am here!!! one may ask, "what are you going to do all by yourself?" and I would tell you, "anything I want!" so far i've run some errands without having to haul the stroller and a toddler while throwing food to Grey to try and keep him in the cart or stroller. I've cleaned my house. I've done lots of laundry. I watched a movie. I read a book (most of one). I spent uninterrupted time the Lord. I sat on the couch and watched something other than Little Einsteins or Elmo's World. I organized. I woke up this morning at 8:02 for the first time and not 6:02. wow.

i do miss him. i miss that big ol' smile when he wakes up in the morning. i miss his hugs. i miss his open-mouthed kisses. i miss dancing with him. i miss his blue eyes. i miss him saying "DADDY!" i miss teaching him. i miss tickling him. i miss his fat feet. i miss seeing him in the rear view mirror. i miss singing with him. i miss smelling the flowers outside with him. i miss hearing him laugh. i miss watching him snuggle up with his blankies. i miss watching him discover new things. i miss seeing him learn. i miss telling him how much i love him! so here's that sweet little boy.

this is his "i'm smelling the flowers" face

caring for the flowers
mowing the weeds while daddy's away
serious face

whew

Matthew is somewhere in these mountains in Nicaragua. He is with a group of students hiking about 14 miles a day, sharing the gospel as they go. I haven't been able to talk to him all week but have been praying for their journey. I did talk with Matthew on Sunday before they started their trip into the wilderness of sorts and he was a little wary of the long journey ahead. I am praying that His heart is set on the kingdom and not on every step taken b/c it could be rough.
Grey and I went to Simpsonville for my birthday and my grandma's birthday. It's funny how different birthdays become once you have a child. I found myself spending my day doing things with him that I knew he would enjoy and in turn I enjoyed them. I would have never chosen to sit in a baby pool and splash all afternoon by myself. But that's what we did. I did get some good family time but really really missed Matthew. I just wanted to be with him on the ol' 25th birthday. Maybe on my 26th we'll be a little luckier.

I have also been quite the baby this week. I'll admit, I've had quite a few pity parties for myself. It does seem that lots of things go wrong when the man of the house is gone. Grey has been getting three of his four one-year molars so he's been quite out of sorts and gone through a whole thing of tylenol in less than week. He's on the up and up but ya never know. I also have had quite a few moments where (if this gives you any sort of help in knowing this feeling) it feels like the cops were about to pull me over...you know that adrenaline rush. Since Matthew's been gone so much this summer, he has lacked in his "ontopofthingsness" which has resulted in me having to take care of things I am not normally accustomed to. I'm fine with it and can handle it but have had quite a few freak out moments. I received a few letters in the mail of things that Matthew normally takes care of. These letters of course threatened to take our child, everything we own, and then chop our heads off. I took care of them but that's not to say it didn't leave me in a few seconds of tears.

For those of you who don't know, we have a contract on our house...HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of course it happens while matthew is out of the country and unable to be contacted. It's all going smoothly but seriously, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

Then today as I was backing out of the garage, I ran into Matthew's car...that's right. Fortunately I just scraped paint off of both of our cars. I know he's going to love that. I might just wait and see if he notices. I hate and love times like these because I realize things about myself but hate having to deal with them in the moment.

I will say that in these moments that I have freaked out and felt sorry for myself and attempted to throw the biggest pity party in town, the Lord has brought me to my knees and led me to the cross. This, of course, puts all of these minor life situations into such perspective to me and I am reminded of what really matters. He is teaching and growing and stretching and molding and transforming me to bring Him more glory! I am learning and in the end when I get past myself, i am thoroughly enjoying it.

Grey with Gram on her birthday

excited about marmie giving him a fresh peach!

Playing peek-a-boo

goats and tractors

we went to the greenway today to take a walk and see the horses and goats. the greenway is pretty much all of Fort Mill's non-inhabited land and it's beautiful. there are trails and lakes and pastures etc. Grey loves the goats! He even got to watch a big tractor which was really exciting. He also got to wave to the horses even though they wouldn't come too close. that was most likely because we had our really ferocious dog Oscar with us.

taking off!

tractor!

wahoo for daddy!

Matthew has been gone a lot this summer on various trips with the youth so when he's home we make the most of it. Grey follows him around attempting to do everything that he does. Watching my son imitate his daddy makes me long for and strive for that innocence and childlike willingness in my walk with the Lord. Oh how I wish I spent every second just following Him WHEREVER and imitating Him! That's what my spirit wants.

Anyhow, we attempted the Elmo sprinkler again (Grey HATES water anywhere near his face so he didn't care for it the first time). The triumphant Matthew eased him into it and by the end he was running through it! This was pretty fun to watch. We are enjoying a little bit of time with Matthew this week before he's off to Nicaragua next week.

Grey's not even CLOSE to the water. He's just acting as if he can feel it.

He just ran through!
Loves to take all the bottles of cooking wine etc. out of the pantry and line it up on the floor. I have no idea. I'm sure Matthew did this as a child.
so proud that he's in daddy's hiking shoes.

manly time

on the road again...

Grey and I have had such a great week. We have gotten to see lots of family and spend a few precious days scattered about. We went to Jacksonville, FL for Garrett's first birthday party and Grey got to play with both Garrett and Greer! It only gets better the older they get. Grey is the oldest (May 4), then Greer (June 6), and last is Garrett (July 2). They are within 8 weeks of each other and are so much fun to watch grow together. It's always great when we are all in the same place. They are all three developing such difrerent and fun personalities and each are so stinkin' CUTE! Our trip was too short. We went back to Simpsonville on Sunday and stayed with Marmie, Poppie, and Gram for a couple of days and then made our way down to Columbia for a few days to see family and friends. We really did have such a great time but sure did miss "Da-Da".

Grey and Greer

watching sparklers
Grey wanted his own sparkler so bad so he decided to use a stick and try to light it off of mine

fillin' up a bucket with sand

3 cute kids playing in the sand

Grey saw some seagulls and took off down the beach with his bucket of sand saying his version of "tweet tweet tweet"

i could be greek

i had the pleasure of being a bridesmaid in megan and chris's wedding this weekend! they got married at the Greek Orthodox church in Greenville. now, i grew up in a baptist church and attend one still so i knew i was in for a cultural experience. I LOVED IT! the wedding did last quite a long time and i had to move around a whole lot to keep from falling during the wedding but other than that, after the weekend with some pretty awesome Greek people...I've decided I wish that I was Greek. Chris's mom did tell me that she would be happy to invite me to their upcoming events in which i would gladly accept the invitation. I love the way they kiss you to greet you, their sense of togetherness, the way that they are not afraid to say what they think, they are loud, and i could go on forever. I just enjoyed it all and it was great to have a weekend with friends. Grey LOVED the dancing that's for sure and he definitely got in on the action.

the 3 meg(h)ans!

she's still miss richardson here.

love these girls

having a little fun before the walk down the aisle. that's our turtle faces.

blowing you a kiss!

dancing with mommy

thinking about dancing. he's watching the greek dancing and starting to move his feet.

you can't see it but he dancing his buns off right in the middle of the dance floor.

we had such a great time!

Congrats Megan and Chris!