precious moments

Grey has been "resting" these days instead of napping. The thing I am most happy about is that he is having to play by himself for at least 45 minutes to an hour. It does not come naturally to him so forcing him into it is teaching him that it's ok to not be with me or someone else all the time. 


Yesterday he came downstairs after about 45 minutes of "resting" (he was actually putting together his own band in the playroom) and was very interested in my Bible study. If you have ever done inductive study, you will understand that I had drawn ALL OVER Colossians with different colors and shapes. He made the comment "Mommy, you're doing really good with your shapes." Thanks Grey Bear, thanks. 


The next thing I knew he went and found a green colored pencil and one of our Bibles that we gave him because he had to have a grown up Bible. He wanted to mark too so we found Colossians and he found and circled all the "God's" he could find. 

This may seem like such a simple thing but the tears welled up in my eyes. This is truly the most precious thing for my eyes to see. My child, whom I constantly pray for his heart to develop a love for the Word, was opening the Bible right along side me to "study" the Word of God. He wanted to do it "just like mommy." 


By all means Grey Bear. Let's get this party started as early as possible! It is by far the most important thing that you could ever do with your time. Fill up that mind and that heart. Get familiar with the pages that communicate God's character and let it seep so deep into your heart that it consumes you. I will continue to pray that you desire time in the Word even if it is to circle all the "God's" you can find!

TEC. 16 months

record of tuck at 16 months.


he is talking a lot. in italian, french, and chinese. thankfully he is really trying to make words but he typically has better things to do. like push a car around. he does say apple, mama, and oscar very clearly.


he is into EVERYTHING and wears me out daily with his energy.


he eats so well. all kinds of vegetables and almost everything you put in front of him.


he still needs a nap in the morning but i am trying to cut him off. he still dives in his bed. we can't sing to him fast enough. he is completely attached to his 4 little blankets he sleeps with and still takes a paci. he frequently goes into his room to get a blanket and his paci and find me. i always get the hint.


he is starting to get interested in books but only if it's by himself. he will not let me read to him but he will sit and look at a book if it is his idea. 


he observes everything. especially grey. and copies everything. 


he is really enjoying other people than me. for this i am more than thankful for. i know in march this is going to be very important. he especially loves my mom! 


i can't get his meals to him fast enough. he squeals and dances when he sees the toaster or something on the stove or hears the microwave. he really loves to eat. 


he loves to tackle grey, jump on him, and hide in closets with him. i'm really loving their brotherhood. 


he loves to color and draw. i have to sit right by him with crayons and markers because he loves to "taste" them. colored pencils are safest.


he really enjoys watching the clemson tigers play and doing "touchdown!"


he is mesmerized with machinery, trucks, and animals. he watches the butterflies on our flowers for long periods of time. he tries to catch the bees and will call oscar. (it actually does sound like oscar)


he is running at full speed. and i mean full speed. there are many times i have a hard time catching him! 


he dances. all the time. it's in his genes. it makes me laugh no matter what. 

recovery

Grey Bear walked down the stairs at about 5:20 Thursday morning with the sweetest smile and his happiest "good morning" I've ever heard. We had to leave at 5:30 to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. I'm so glad we took his Leapster because it kept him distracted for a while. 

He was the youngest that morning so we got to go back first. He was pretty gung ho at first until they put the pulse thing on his finger and had us take his Woody p.j.s off to put on a hospital gown. He was not into that. The nurse that was prepping him brought him some Toy Story stickers and that cheered him up. At this point he was starting to understand a little better what was going on. 

We distracted him with talking about colors in Spanish and finding rojo (red) and azul (blue) all around him. He enjoyed that. They gave him a little sleepy medicine and about 5 minutes later he told us his tonsils fell out, rolled away, and we weren't going to be able to find them. He also told us that cowboys, cowgirls, horses, and bears do not have tonsils. Every time a nurse or Dr. Clyne came to talk with us, Grey would ask if they already took his tonsils out and if it was time to go home. Finally by the time they rolled him away from us he was pretty out of it!

We were extremely pleased with Dr. Clyne. He was very personable and really took the time to talk with us right after surgery. I knew I liked him from the one time I met him!He gave us excellent instructions on what to expect and we felt confident after talking with him.

We were called back to Grey and I was not prepared for his state coming out of anesthesia.  That has probably been the worst thing so far! He just cried and cried and cried. I really felt horrible for him. He had no idea what was going on and would NOT have anything to do with having even a sip of juice or any of a popsicle. He had to do one or the other before we could leave and he just wanted to go home. I don't blame him. I finally got him back to sleep and the second time he woke up, he ate half of a popsicle. 

We finally got to leave about 10:15 to come home. We really weren't there for too long but it sure did feel like forever. We set him up on the couch with pillows and popsicles and Woody and movies! He was in heaven except for the fact he was still in a little pain. He finally fell asleep on Thursday about 3:30 and slept until 5:30. He had a few sweet visitors that cheered him up and he wanted to do all of his new crafts that evening!

Here is a picture of him upon coming home. It's fairly pitiful but he wasn't like this for too long.

I have been waiting for things to get bad and they haven't yet. Now we'll see when Matthew's at work and I'm here with Grey and Tuck tomorrow. Grey has actually been wanting to eat lots of things and we've given him as many soft, healthy, and filling things as we can. He's taking just regular tylenol. I'm pretty sure the prescription they gave us kept him awake and possibly made him hyper. The tylenol is working very well and he is really doing fine only taking it about 3 times a day!

I was a little nervous about the recovery due to the fact that he is fairly dramatic when it comes to pain. He has handled it about 5 billion times better than I ever imagined. We have been having to settle him down a bit more than anything. He even "worked" outside with Matthew and my dad this weekend to put our new patio in! 

A big shout out to Barry and Cheryl for keeping little Tuck man from Wednesday until Friday! I will say that Grey was extremely concerned and did not like that Tuck was not here. He had to ride with Matthew to pick him because he missed him that much. It was quite the blessing to be able to focus on Grey in the time he needed us most. Let's just say things got a little more rowdy and loud around here when the Tuck Monster came home! 

I will be planning lots of fun, relaxed things for us to do this week while we're here at home. Overall we are so grateful for a healthy, recovering little Grey Bear and are hoping for even brighter days ahead!

couldn't help it

i have recently been exceptionally blessed with a new camera and a really stunning new lens! i was trying my new lens out last night and couldn't help but post these pictures i got of tucker. he is one fun little boy! i just crack up when i look at these :)

number 3

record of my real shallow thoughts on number 3:


grey bear says he is going to have a sister. he has come up with multiple names for her. he says he doesn't need another brother. he already has one. so he needs a sister. i sure hope he's not disappointed. because he will be if he has another brother. 


i have been slowly coping with the fact that my children will be so close together. tuck will be close enough to 22 months and grey will not quite be 4. i have often asked God if He's really sure i can do this. all i know is that i can't without Him. that may be cliche but i mean it with every bit of myself. 


at 14 weeks i have been feeling really great with the exception of some pretty intense headaches, which for me tylenol accomplishes absolutely nothing so basically i suffer until i can sleep or matthew can take over for a short time. i have had zero nausea which i know i should be more grateful for. i can't really tell if i'm tired from keeping up with my life or from being pregnant. could be a little of both but i do find myself napping about 3 out of 7 days of the week just to make it through the days.


most of the time i forget i'm pregnant. seriously. and so does matthew. i totally missed my appointment yesterday morning and had to schedule it for next week. i started wearing maternity pants about 2 weeks ago because my shorts were just a little uncomfortable and i thought hey, this IS my third child. it's ok to go ahead and get comfortable :) that's what reminds me every morning that i'm pregnant when i have about 2 pairs of shorts to choose from. 


we will be able to find out the baby's gender next month. i keep thinking i wish i could talk matthew into not finding out. he doesn't see things the way i do. then i remember how much our hearts want a little girl in these moments. i know the minute that they say, "it's a boy!" or "it's a girl!" i will be just as excited either way! i think i should know before hand. and we're going to have a party. a gender party. if you want to know the gender first, you will have to come to the party. it's going to be fun! no matter how much we want a little girl in this family, i keep thinking "what if matthew had ended up being a girl? that would have really stunk! for everyone really, but mostly for me. just think about the magnitude of him being a girl. yuck. he would make a really terrible girl." that sets my mind right on having another boy.


we have absolutely zero names picked out. doesn't surprise me. i don't even know what names i like. it changes for me when it becomes real. matthew and i have the hardest time agreeing on anything in this area. i'm positive we will have one the night before he/she is born. at least that's when we picked grey's name. but maybe we won't. 


when i think about all the sweetness of another life in this house, in our family, i get giddy. we are enjoying our boys so much that adding another personality to the mix is going to be all together wonderful and most positively challenging. i am anticipating a typical "third child" which both matthew and i are. well, i'm pretty typical third child (whatever that is) and matthew is a mix of first and third. being third is pretty awesome from what i've experienced. and  being the only girl has it's ups of course but being the third child in general i feel is really just more fun!


i've only had babies in may so having a baby in march should throw me for a loop. maybe it will be a little chilly, but maybe not. hopefully he/she will be born on an odd day. i do not like even numbers and so far matthew is the only one with an odd number birthday. i like the number 5. it's always been my favorite. maybe we'll stop at 3 children just so our family won't be an even number. or maybe we won't. obviously God is in control. i fully and TOTALLY understand this in the way of having children at least. 


these are mostly my shallow thoughts on number 3. i have yet to have the small bump's portrait taken but maybe sometime this week. i said it would happen at 12 weeks but now it's 2.5 weeks later. my thoughts might get deeper as the weeks pass but obviously that hasn't happened. i'll keep us all posted!

we picked apples

We took the boys to pick apples on Friday and boy did they have fun! Tucker, our explorer of the bunch, wasted no time in trying to eat any (including rotten ones) apple he could get his hands on. It's hard to believe last year he was in the Baby Bjorn! Grey Bear acted like an old pro and tasted lots of apples himself. There were not too many moments where I caught them without an apple in their mouth or hand. 

Thankfully this year, 2 cameras later, I had a charged battery. Unlike last year. I also tried out a different lens. Needless to say I took tons of pictures but the subjects were just really too sweet not to capture in the moment.

bye bye tonsils

I took this little fella to the ENT yesterday afternoon. I have been anticipating this visit for quite some time. I prepared the Grey Bear that there would be lots of looking in his mouth and on the way we practiced our biggest "ahhh's!" 


Since Grey had mono last winter, his tonsils have remained VERY large. The last time I took him to the doctor for a sinus infection, Dr. Carney told me after his round of antibiotics to take him to the ENT if his tonsils did not go down. In my opinion, they are still big. 


He has ALWAYS snored, loud. Like a man. He wakes up all through the night. I never realized that he actually does have sleep apnea. Dr. Clyne confirmed that yesterday. He also confirmed that my thinking that his tonsils were big was actually very true. He rates them up to a 4, a 4 being the worst (tonsils touching) and Grey was almost a 4! 


Grey was such a big boy the whole time we were there. He let Dr. Clyne look all in his throat while sitting in the "astronaut chair." My little boy looked and acted so big! He was brave for sure. 


Dr. Clyne was excellent at explaining our next steps. He first told me he was concerned about us not having Grey's tonsils taken out being way more of a risk than any risk that surgery may be. They are bad apparently. I really think he may have removed them right then and there if he could have! He told me if Grey were his son he would have them removed as soon as possible. He also filled me in on some details of the recovery which is going to be painful. In the end it will all be worth it.


He encouraged me that this would definitely stop the snoring and greatly improve Grey's quality of sleep. This will in turn improve our days and his quality of daily life. Hopefully it will cure all the "whineys" as I call them. Ok, maybe not ALL of them but maybe almost all of them!


It is definitely a relief to both Matthew and I that there will be improvement in his quality of life in general. (and our nights of wakefulness!) Due to the extremity and the urgency of Dr. Clyne to get these things out, Grey will have his tonsils and adenoids removed next Thursday. The sooner the better! We are grateful for a superb doctor and his wisdom :)

first day

Grey had his first day of preschool last Thursday. He could not have been more excited. He has been talking about it for weeks and weeks. He has a really special teacher this year, Mrs. Karen. She is such a special lady to us all but she and Grey have a unique relationship. He gets to share every Tuesday and Thursday with her. 

He asked me to take his picture that morning by the front door. As soon as we walked outside this is what happened.

So I told him I would just take the camera back inside and he gave me this.

Then he got a little silly.

 and requested a picture in the beloved red and blue hammock.

He has asked to go back every day since last Thursday so I think it's safe to say that he enjoyed it! Looks like a great year for learning and growing!

the Word and my life

As I opened the Word of the Living God yesterday, I had no idea that He was going to break my heart into a million pieces. It was time. I couldn’t have asked or expected anything more. And I am beyond grateful for His mercy even today as I try and pick the pieces up and let Him put it back together the way that He desires.

The summer approached me and I was prepared. I was prepared for all of the traveling and visiting and fun and time with the boys. What I wasn’t prepared for is an attack on my heart. A slow fade. Time away from my habitual time in the Word. My mind slowly being filled with things so far from the Truth of God. His Truth was replaced by feelings of inadequacy, frustration, impatience, selfishness, greed. All of the gross things that are contrary to what He desires.

As I sat in the living room yesterday afternoon digging deep into the Words that the Lord has given me to know Him more, I could not believe how far from Truth I had drifted. In my thinking, in my heart, in my actions. The sorrow welled up from my heart and turned into tears. Then it turned into joy and praise when I realized that my God had delivered me from myself. Thank you God that I don’t have to stay there!

I saw it happening. It happens slowly and subtly. I begin to think that I deserve something in this life. I begin to feel sorry for myself. I begin to depend on myself and those around me for satisfaction. I begin to expect my husband to make me “comfortable” and my children to be angels. When things don’t work out the way I want them to, I lose it. All of it.

All along the way the Spirit inside me is calling my name so loudly but the more I rebel and chose my own way, the quieter the voice gets. The louder I get and the further I separate myself from the God who saved me. How could this happen? It’s a lack of time in the Word. A lack of time renewing my mind with the Truth that has been graciously provided for me to study deeply. A lack of constantly thinking on scripture which is life.

Thank God for His mercy and grace that He would patiently wait and draw me back to Himself. There is no other place that I would rather be than dwelling on the Words of God. Hiding them in my heart and allowing Him to transform me. 

to be a Tiger

We had the privilege of taking the boys over to Clemson on Friday morning to give them a little taste of heaven. They loved it and so did we!  The air was cleaner, the people are nicer, and it’s just plain peaceful.

I remember walking around campus as a student seeing families playing on Bowman, getting ice cream, or showing their children Death Valley and thinking those years were so very far from me. They were definitely closer than I imagined and I couldn’t wait for them!

Years of the most wonderful memories flooded my mind as we walked downtown and up to Tillman. They were more than just the football games I went to and cheered my heart out for the Tigers. They were beyond the classes I attended and events I went to.

The memories that consumed me were the thousands of times I walked Perimeter Road with friends and had conversations that spurred one another on in our walks with Christ. The relationships that were built on sunny days playing on Bowman. Worshipping together in Tillman with 1000 other believers every Thursday night at FCA. The moment I met my husband and began a relationship with him. The late nights of so much fun with roommates and friends. The tree that I always studied under in the botanical gardens. My roommates that I love so dearly and have so many wonderful memories with. The friendships that were built over countless meals together or long weekend trips. The lifelong lessons. And of course all the sporting events adorned in orange with tiger paws on my cheeks beside my closest friends.

I will never again have those years back but I am so very thankful for them. I cannot imagine if the Lord had not led me to such a wonderful place. It was the ONLY college I applied to and quite honestly, I don’t know exactly how I got in. It was very clearly the Lord’s will.

The Clemson spirit is IN YOU from the moment you step on the campus as a freshman. It just is and the only way to know it is to be a student. There is something about that place. Maybe it’s the sunsets or the mountains in clear view. Maybe it’s the peacefulness in the beauty of the campus. Maybe it’s the bells that play from Tillman. I’m sure it’s all of those things but for me, it is the fact that God developed and changed me so much in those four years. He placed friendships in my life, REAL friendships that will last a lifetime.  And I got to do it all at Clemson University.

I know I can never portray as accurately as I would hope to my own children my college experience. But it is my hope that they will have one very similar wherever they choose to go. I think they enjoyed their taste of being a Tiger and it will forever be strongly encouraged in or house! 

Nathan, Allison and Garrett went with us too! 

"Mommy, you and Daddy went to school here?! Whoa. That's cool!" - Grey Bear

Little Tigers

Oh yeah. Dream come true.

"Mommy, THIS is where the Tigers play?! Whoa. That's cool! They must be sleeping." - Grey Bear