heart matters

God is tilling up my heart from depths that i didn't have any idea even existed. i have been overwhelmed with His strength. with clarity of mind and heart. with the peace that passes all understanding. with that unspeakable joy.

He is allowing me to see more clearly and in turn, i give up more easily. giving up is a good thing. because it's true, in my weakness He is made strong. in my humility, His glory shines. and isn't that what following Christ is about? i would have said yes with my mouth a million times over but now my heart is starting to get it. only as he peels back layer after layer of pride.

His call to live for eternity is so heavily impressed on my heart. to live for tomorrow in today. that this whole life thing is for something greater. to have that mindset. to know that He is in all things, through all things, and all things exist because of Him. to understand that in each and every moment He is still God. 

 that when i don't think i have the strength to break up one more fight between the boys, He whispers stillness into my heart that He is there. even then, He deserves glory. He requires that I lay my selfishness at His feet and choose to gently tend to their hearts and not ignore it. when i think i have no more patience to listen to the whining, there is rest because He is there. He prompts me to lay aside my frustration and to stoop down, cup little tuck's face in my hands, and listen to his heart.  

when i want to stick up for myself or make excuses, He whispers softly to "go low. remember how I came to die for you, meghan marie? remember when i gave my life for you?" when i don't feel like listening, He reminds me so clearly of the gifts He has given me and that they are for Him, for the Church. when i just want to sit and not engage, He nudges my mind in awareness of who He is and who He has called me to be in that moment. 

when i am overwhelmed in our finances, He reminds me that we have never been without. that He has always been faithful. when i am annoyed at a door to door salesman, He speaks so clearly, "in this moment I want you to look to eternity. I have put him (sometimes her) here on your doorstep. live for Me, not for you." 

that when i am running, or sweeping, or cleaning the toilet, YES EVEN THEN.  He is sovereign over that moment too. He requires glory. and what brings the peace and joy is trusting in who He is.  moment by moment surrendering them to Him. He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. and in that my soul rests. not that my circumstances change, but the way i go about them does. 

i sell myself short when i live for myself. the glory and riches and the joy that come as i begin to count the things in my life as loss. when i lay myself aside and have a momentary glimpse into forever, i never want to leave that moment.

and when i realize that i am nothing and He is everything, only then will He use me and fill me with unspeakable joy. 

His yoke is easy and His burden is light. because He is humble in heart. because He sees eternity. and He knows He's overcome all those battles i fight in my flesh. all that pride. all that ugly. i am free from that IN JESUS. because He gave me the faith to believe.

and when i see the good, I know it's Him. it could only be Him. it's the outflowing of a heart that He's refining. 

the glory, oh His glory is all around.