seeing them being them

 family vacation. just the five us. 

it was awesome. 

i never anticipated it being as much needed as it actually was. much, much needed. 

just being together in a not so ordinary environment sparked simple moments that grew and grew into bigger ones that i will remember for the rest of my life. 

i sat close enough to hear but far enough to watch. to watch them be all of who they are. in every perfect way, who they are. in each quirk and all the life inside of each of them. i got to watch them be them. something i've never really gotten to do. i'm always smack dab in the middle. they need me. a lot.  i know them up close and personal. but not from afar. not from an outsider's point of view. 

that was the beauty of it. i was an outsider, but still very much on the inside. i have the gift of knowing those three little boys through and through. and it made me think just watching them there. what am i doing with what i know? with that gift of knowing them so intimately. with the gift of being needed by them. it is a gift that i sometimes overlook. when i am needed constantly, without end. the gift in that is so much bigger than my exhaustion at the end of every day. 

and as i watched them play their hearts out, i couldn't help but stare in wonder at those three little boys. grey bear leading, thinking, planning, engineering in the sand. looking out for everyone else always. tuck man searching for diggers, oblivious, talking to everyone who passed by, passionate about having fun in any way he could find. and sir william studying the sand, watching the waves, doing everything his brothers were doing, chasing birds but always staying close by.

i watched them play with abandon. to explore and imagine. to work together from biggest to smallest. 

they didn't need me once. and i got to watch them be them.