journal entry . august 22, 2012

August 22, 2012

I put that little boy, growing taller, in the back seat today. He’s five now but sometimes I mistake him for twenty five. He talks the whole way. He asks me about the way we are going and tells me of all things familiar along the road. He asks for that song again and belts it out loud. He tells me of our past dates and asks for ice cream on the way home. 

It was really nothing too extraordinary, just a morning out for us both to buy some brand new pencils. 

But it was extraordinary. 

A young man, growing taller but also growing wiser. I can see it. I see the man he was created to be all bottled up in that little boy, that young man. I see his strengths and I know his weakness. 

And today, today was the day that I would let him go into that big, huge world of kindergarten. But he didn’t go. Instead we picked out yellow number two pencils with a sharpener. 

As I reached down and rubbed his fuzzy little head, I thanked God for His plan. I thanked Him that He has given me the strength to obey even when I don’t want to. That no matter how hard this journey before us is, it’s what is absolutely best. That even when I am weak that He is indeed, forever strong. 

I vividly remember that February day when I finally gave up fighting. When I said yes. When I agreed that the Lord really does know best no matter what I think or feel. It was so clear I couldn’t just ignore it any longer. It is best for us to school Grey here in our home this year. No matter how many times I told the Lord no, He continued to tell me yes. 

That was only the beginning. Saying yes to what He was asking. Giving up all of my preconceived thoughts on homeschooling and bringing me to my knees yet again.

And simply saying “yes!” 

“Abide. Because it’s never about your capabilities. When you’re in covenant with Christ, it’s His responsibility to cover your cracks, to be all your competency and completeness.

Inabilities, in Christ, are made all-sufficient, just-right abilities. Abandon worries — and wholly abide.” - Ann V.