go and be

oh little boy. i didn't think it would be this hard. to send you out. to watch you go and be who you are. 

i've watched you front and center for 6 whole years. i nourished your body and watched you sleep in your first year. i sang songs, read books, and chased you silly through your second. the third was full of answering questions and teaching you how to do things on your own. i skipped and read and learned alongside you through your fourth year.  i taught you of God and arithmetic when you were five. but this year. this is the year to watch as you step into a world away from me. 

it's time. 

though in the quiet i find myself choking back tears because really grey bear, i'm going to miss you. my biggest boy. you have always been and always will be. 

it doesn't matter if i'm ready because i don't think i ever will be. 

i always wondered why moms made such a big deal about sending their children to school. well, now i know. it's painful. the years of investing all of myself into this child. of watching you learn every single thing you know. of knowing the ins and out of everything about you. 

and then i am just not going to be there? for seven whole hours of your everyday. i won't be there. 

it's not a question of if you will be able to handle it. i know you will. you love to learn and you love to make new friends. but what if someone is mean to you? will you love them in return? i've told you time and time again, but will you remember? will you remember to love with your whole heart? i think you will because i think that's who God made you to be. 

when it comes down to it, i trust this is where you are supposed to be. and the Lord has a plan for you  where you are this year. for you and for all of us. He is always faithful. though it may be hard and there will be struggle, He is always faithful. 

and this truth makes me ready too.

go go go and be be be all of who you are. i will walk with you always baby boy.