IT happens

I don’t know how IT happens or when IT happens but nonetheless IT happens. 

I look at those that surround me and begin to hold myself to their standards.  I fail over and over and over again. I think to myself, "I need to be _____ for my children, I need to be _____ for my husband, for the students, for my friends." And I never am. Who’s role am I trying to fill anyway? I’m not someone else's mom. I’m not someone else’s wife or daughter. God didn’t create me like them. He created me like me. For Him.

I get distracted. I get caught up. I look around me instead of to Him. And then and only then am I overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with all that I am not. This trickles through my life without me even noticing until one day I blow up. 

IT becomes clearer when I think of the way I view my children.

He created my boys very uniquely with certain gifts and leanings. For Him. Not for me or Matthew. Not for their friends. But simply for Him. Do I want them to live their lives for anyone else? Um, no thanks. So why is my life any different?

I found myself with a little time to journal this weekend. I began making lists of when I feel failure or am defeated in the different roles in my life. My lists didn’t shock me so much. They are the things I struggle with daily. Patience with my children, lack of organizational skills in all roles, JUST making it through the day, maintaining relationships without investing whole-heartedly, not enough time. Those things topped my lists. Now I know a couple of these are standards that the Lord has set for me but some are not.

I turned the page in my journal. To a clean sheet. And then I made a list of who I am in Christ. This is what topped that list.

I am being sanctified moment by moment.

I am well equipped.

I am called to obey He alone.

I am made righteous. 

I am patient. 

I am kind. 

I am free.

I am called to make much of He alone. 

I am an heir to His Kingdom. 

The list goes on.

Did these things shock me? totally. These are things I know very well in my head. But am I consumed with and do I live in these truths everyday? Moment by moment? The grace of Jesus is poured out on me but I choose to live in this world and in my flesh more often than not. Yuck. I get overwhelmed and consumed with things that are so temporal. And IT happens every time.

My roles look a whole lot different when I focus on the truth of who I am in Christ. I become a lot less overwhelmed and fall on my face in humility before Him. Because it’s only in Him that I am these things. Only in Him.

Lord help me to live there. In dependence on you, complete dependence and trust as you sanctify me day by day.