heart matters on a thursday morning.

the words strike my heart and i rejoice because i know it is true. and Someone, right now in these still moments knew my eyes needed to see the words on the page. "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh" {2 corinthians 10:3} because all through my being i am fighting. i am at war beneath my bones. and that's the truth. and to know that Someone knows and understands and knew it would be this way.

 there is freedom. 

because He promises to never leave me. because the reason there's a war at all is because He lives in me. He lives. and He is greater than the world that surrounds me. 

but i feel it so fierce at times that i can't move. that i can't grasp for the next thing because i'm still fighting for truth. because what i know in my head doesn't make sense in my heart. because i see the outward when He holds the inward together. 

i am a soldier called to put on His armor. His truth, His righteousness, His gospel, the faith He has given, His Word. those are my weapons.

called to not entangle myself with affairs of everyday life. but instead to take courage; He has overcome the world. 

but everyday life goes on. the world spins so fast while i try to keep up but i never will be able to. and the peace comes and the peace goes. 

all i know is when i find myself connected to the vine, there. there is peace in the midst of a raging battle. and i can do nothing without Him. 

i can't fight. and i am in a war. always in a war. 

i can't do good. but HE is good. always good.

i can't love but HE is love. always love.

i can't see through the dark. but HE is light. always bright.

i can't live full. but HE is the Bread of Life. always life-giving. 

i won't EVER be good enough. but He makes me righteous. always and forever righteous.

and i see it. i am truly nothing without Him. nothing that lasts. 

nothing but one heap of pride spinning out of control. one that when i'm left to my own devices, i end up in a mess of myself and take others with me. one that can't fight this fight. one that is wrapped up and held captive by this world. and i'm left defeated and helpless on my own. that's who I am. 

and when i know it, i can't do anything but lean into the One who is all in all.

 He is there fighting for me. His truth fills my mind and seeps into my heart and then peace floods my soul. because i have victory in Jesus. in this Emmanuel. 

the battle will rage on as long as i am in this flesh. but as He chisels the inward one layer at a time, i will only become more like Him. what an incredible hope i have in the One who is making me complete.