GLC . 5 years

my firstborn,

dear son, if you could truly know the gift you are to me. you are, in the flesh, grace given in a child. from your first cry, i didn't need anyone to tell me that you were indeed a son. i knew it all along and i couldn't wait to hold you close. and in that very instant you made me a mother. i never knew something so wonderful as to love you.

you have always been the one. the one that can make me smile even through the tears. the one always with an encouraging word. the one that reminds me of the rules. the one that helps me to understand what it means to be tender. the one that leads. the one that never forgets. the one that's confident mostly. the one that over achieves. the one that tries and fails but will always try again. the one that knows that i need you grey bear. that's the one.

i am watching and i see you growing into a young boy. things you were once timid of, you are conquering without fear. you want more responsibility and assure us that you can handle it. you are always willing to help in even the smallest of tasks. you continue to take in the world around you and connect the dots left and right. you have done this since day one. i watch and i see the beautiful way that God made you. for Him grey bear. i need you to know it's all for Him.

i see you watching your daddy and learning. what a wonderful example to see. you do love so tenderly. you lead your brothers well.

i need you to know that i have never known a love so great as for my child. the day will come when you are grown and we gently let you go. but all the things i'm learning along the way in the days that i live with you and eat with you and talk with you and walk with you, are the days that i am loving much.

happy 5th birthday grey. it's a pleasure to watch you grow.

weekending . atl 2012

we took a little trip.

this little trip had been rescheduled a few times but finally the weekend was here. and it is so very obvious that this could have been none other than God's timing and not our own. 

we enjoyed a long weekend with dear family in atlanta. we deemed it "living room fest" but really it was more like "playground fest." mostly outdoor playgrounds but grey bear got a rockin' surprise for his birthday..a trip to Legoland! it was the coolest of all.

we also toured the suburbian playgrounds, fed ducks, laughed, cried, ate a lot of yogurt from Yogurtland, rode in a megapacked minivan, and all around had a wonderful time.
 

most importantly our souls were encouraged. we rejoiced in the Lord together and experienced community with one another. what more could we ask for?!

can't wait until our next trip!

heart matters

God is tilling up my heart from depths that i didn't have any idea even existed. i have been overwhelmed with His strength. with clarity of mind and heart. with the peace that passes all understanding. with that unspeakable joy.

He is allowing me to see more clearly and in turn, i give up more easily. giving up is a good thing. because it's true, in my weakness He is made strong. in my humility, His glory shines. and isn't that what following Christ is about? i would have said yes with my mouth a million times over but now my heart is starting to get it. only as he peels back layer after layer of pride.

His call to live for eternity is so heavily impressed on my heart. to live for tomorrow in today. that this whole life thing is for something greater. to have that mindset. to know that He is in all things, through all things, and all things exist because of Him. to understand that in each and every moment He is still God. 

 that when i don't think i have the strength to break up one more fight between the boys, He whispers stillness into my heart that He is there. even then, He deserves glory. He requires that I lay my selfishness at His feet and choose to gently tend to their hearts and not ignore it. when i think i have no more patience to listen to the whining, there is rest because He is there. He prompts me to lay aside my frustration and to stoop down, cup little tuck's face in my hands, and listen to his heart.  

when i want to stick up for myself or make excuses, He whispers softly to "go low. remember how I came to die for you, meghan marie? remember when i gave my life for you?" when i don't feel like listening, He reminds me so clearly of the gifts He has given me and that they are for Him, for the Church. when i just want to sit and not engage, He nudges my mind in awareness of who He is and who He has called me to be in that moment. 

when i am overwhelmed in our finances, He reminds me that we have never been without. that He has always been faithful. when i am annoyed at a door to door salesman, He speaks so clearly, "in this moment I want you to look to eternity. I have put him (sometimes her) here on your doorstep. live for Me, not for you." 

that when i am running, or sweeping, or cleaning the toilet, YES EVEN THEN.  He is sovereign over that moment too. He requires glory. and what brings the peace and joy is trusting in who He is.  moment by moment surrendering them to Him. He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. and in that my soul rests. not that my circumstances change, but the way i go about them does. 

i sell myself short when i live for myself. the glory and riches and the joy that come as i begin to count the things in my life as loss. when i lay myself aside and have a momentary glimpse into forever, i never want to leave that moment.

and when i realize that i am nothing and He is everything, only then will He use me and fill me with unspeakable joy. 

His yoke is easy and His burden is light. because He is humble in heart. because He sees eternity. and He knows He's overcome all those battles i fight in my flesh. all that pride. all that ugly. i am free from that IN JESUS. because He gave me the faith to believe.

and when i see the good, I know it's Him. it could only be Him. it's the outflowing of a heart that He's refining. 

the glory, oh His glory is all around.

photojournal: strawberry pickin'

 we picked and ate and picked and ate. 

mmm. mmm.

 

 

 

 

weekend refresh

we spent the weekend in the mountains with a group of our high school students. two lucky little boys got to join us for the trip.

{the boys and i were on a nature walk and they were mesmerized by all sorts of things. not quite sure what had their attention here}

they were in heaven. my favorite part of the entire trip was just sitting back and watching them be them.  

grey was in his prime. he had his fair share of socializing. he was hanging out with "the students" (just as he calls them) like he was going on 15 and was right smack dab in the middle of everything.

i loved watching grey with people. with new and different people, totally out of his everyday life. watching him have conversation and relate to others that are in a far different place than he is. he joined in one of the small groups at one point and made his own little contribution to the conversation. he wrote it down in his journal and came to show me. he was so confident and beaming with joy to spend time with "the students."

tuck man was totally and completely in his element. he spent most of his time exploring. and catching bugs, worms, and water creatures. i took the boys on a long "hike" saturday morning during the session. we explored and explored and explored. i watched tucker come alive as we talked about the wind, the mountains, the trees, the moss, the branches, the salamanders, the tadpoles, the dirt, the mud and anything else we passed by. he touched everything. and i let him do whatever he wanted. (within reason)  i would have to say it's some of the best time we've spent together to date.

i couldn't resist going down the humongous slide into the freezing lake water. i'm still not quite sure if it was worth it but it was fun nonetheless. 

and matthew and i even got to slip away for a short morning walk together this morning. 

  will and i spent our first few days apart in 13 months. he spent the weekend with papa and gigi and apparently was a little angel.

these three were reunited tonight and they were in heaven.

 a retreat this time of year is much needed for the students as they are in high stress mode. this weekend is perfectly placed and planned for rest for their souls. and i'm so glad we got to join in! it was rest for my soul on a completely different level and i think our boys even came away relaxed and renewed. what a great weekend.